I Love "My Job"

     I had three seperate telephone calls today to ask me movie info. I love it. I had a friend who called to tell me that his showing of "Devil Wears Prada" was cancelled because of a church group taking over the theater to see "Monster House." He wanted to know what he should see instead as he was determined to see a movie on his day off.

     A co-worker called me not five minutes after he had left work to ask what he and his wife should see tonight.

     My best friend called from Florida, gave me a list of titles playing on the hotel, pay-per-view site and said, "Which one dude?"

     Not to mention, just like clockwork every Friday, our sales manager comes to me and wants to what movie he should go to that weekend. I love it.

     Knowing each individual person very well and knowing each circumstance that each of them are in (wants fun, has a wife with him, tired from a long day of work in a foreign city, or is a bit older and needs calming) I was able to prescribe the perfect remedy for each of them. Maybe instead of Drewbacca, I should be known as the film doctor - the only thing I've ever been good at.



~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

P.S. - Check out the boys at Filmrot.com. They've got some great stories on their site and they planned to mention MoviePatron on their podcast this week. Nice.

Touching Story About Elephant Memory

     A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

     As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with His hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face,stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

     Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

     Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.


~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

My New Forum Site

Press Release:

     Sorry the posts have been rather sparse lately. I've been working on this new concept of forums for my movie review site. It's been hard work getting it going, but it seems to be working now and I encourage everyone to check it out. If you like what you se, by all means, register and start posting and conversing. You can now tell the world (well, the people within my world) anything you want to say with a few key strokes. The more the merrier, so sign up now, it's totally free and confidential. Here's the link:

MoviePatron Forum Home

See you there!


~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

The Saga of Danny and Maria Episode IV: The New Breed

     From the void that was left by Danny and Maria's departure, comes a new batch of terror: the silent fuckers. Never hearing a peep from them, I was happy with the new couple who are now my new upstairs neighbors, until about the third day, when they both apparently went into heat and have not come down since.

     A healthy sexual appetite with the one you love is a divine thing; but not when it deprives Drewbacca of his sleep. And especially not when it isn't, at the very least, entertaining. The new couple, are silent fuckers, but their bed is not. It is the loudest, creakiest, most obnoxius sounding bed I have ever heard. It permeates my bedroom walls and creates vibrations that make the bottles in my bar clink together ever so slightly. This happens, quite literally, twice a day. I have yet to hear one little vocal outpouring. They let their bed from the 13th century do all the moaning.

     This happens most of the time, at about 8:30 in the morning and again around 2:30 in the morning (which is the time I am trying to spend dreaming about my own sexual scenario). So when the bed creaks; up and down up and down up and down up and down...quicker...faster...up and down up and down up anD DOWN up AND DOWN UP AND DOWN UP AND DOWN, over and over for fifteen minutes and I have to wake up and listen to it, I am not happy.

     So, I pray for the day that I win the lottery. My first purchase? A brand new, creak-free, king size bed for the neighbors upstairs. Sure I could just move out into a mansion, but then I would miss the day my beloved Danny and Maria return from the crusades and we are re-united once again and things return to the way they were: happy ever after.


~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Presents!

For the birdseyereview blog anniversary, my digital department got me a brand new mouse for my office computer. It rocks! It is sooo much smoother than my old mouse. It also has a better grip and the roll wheel is much more precise. I am happy today.

I also bought myself a present in downloading a program called Memo Keys. It allows you to shortcut up to 500 different text inputs with a single keystroke. No more saving signatures, usernames and passwords to my desktop in a text file. I now hit F2 + s and voila!, my signature appears on any window that accepts text (email, word, web forums, whatever). It is slick. My computer days just got so much easier by ten fold with two simple items. Happy anniversary!


~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Happy Anniversary!

     Two years ago today Birds Eye re-View Blog was born. I would like to thank the Academy, all my freinds and family, and the ONE person I know who actually reads this blog on a regular basis for all your love and support. Thanks to the many, many people who constantly leave comments; I wouldn't be able to maintain and come up with new ideas wihtout you all. See you for another year....maybe.



~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

     One of the original founders of the greatest band ever, Pink Floyd, passed away several days ago, but was just announced on Tuesday. Syd Barrett, who has been troubled with diabetes (and other mental issues) most of his life, was the writer of many great, early Pink Floyd albums; including "Piper at the Gates of Dawn," "Saucerful of Secrets" and some other lesser known singles and unreleased records.

     Although not my favorite member or even contributor, his presence did directly influence portions of later great Floyd albums like "Dark Side of the Moon," "Wish You Were Here" and "The Wall" with his style and his personality.

     Besides "inventing" new guitar sounds while recording Piper and being generally credited with naming the band, the most well known thing about Syd, were his antics on stage. Drugged up most of the time on LSD, most of his on stage time consisted of him randomly strumming the same chord for an entire show and he or may not have been singing. Much of the time he just stared blankly at the audience or camera and drooled.

     Here's a good story: according to Roger Waters, Barrett came into what was to be their last practice session with a new song he had dubbed "Have You Got It, Yet?" The song seemed simple enough when he first presented it to his bandmates, but it soon became impossibly difficult to learn: as they were practicing it, Barrett kept changing the arrangement. He would then play it again, with the arbitrary changes, and sing "Have you got it yet?" After more than an hour of trying to "get it," they realized they never would. Hilarious actually.

He directly influenced the main character in Pink Floyd's "The Wall" movie partly by shaving off all of his body hair at one point; chest, legs, eyebrows and all. Also, brushing your teeth while holding the brush in place and jumping up and down is not a normal way of thinking or doing things; but that was Syd.

     After being kicked out of the band, he tried a few solo albums and collaborations but finally gave up and ended up living a reclusive lifestyle in his mother's basement until his death.

     So it will be a day filled with Pink Floyd in my office today, as the founder of my favorite band has died at age 60 of, thus far, unannounced reasons. So thanks Syd. Although I don't care for a lot of your music, your influence and passion inspired some of my favorite songs of all time and countless more musicians who went on to become huge successes. I won't miss you, because your legacy lives on. Peace brother.


~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Pet Peeve of the Day Vol. VI

People.



~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

James Bond is a Pussy

     "Shaken, not stirred." One of 007's famous sayings referring to his vodka martinis. But what is a little known fact is why he likes them this way. It is because when you shake a martini, it gets watered down and not as strong tasting. Therefore, I drink my martinis stirred...not shaken; like a real man.


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

I Couldn't Resist

This was way too funny NOT to post....




~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Live Bait 1991-1994

     Reminiscing recently about the past, brought about an idea I've wanted to get down on paper for a long time; before I forget completely. My high school rock band played cover after cover of popular tunes at the time. Through the years, there were a few incarnations of the band, but the core 3 or 4 of us were there from the beginning to the end. We played parties, school functions and even dances for various junior high schools. Here is a list of almost all of the songs we played at these shows at one time or another.

Black Crowes:
Jealous Again
Hard to Handle
Thick n' Thin
She Talks to Angels
Remedy
No Speak No Slave
Sometimes Salvation

Counting Crows:
Omaha
Mr. Jones
Einstein on the Beach

Guns N' Roses:
Knockin' on Heaven's Door
It's So Easy
Paradise City
Sweet Child O' Mine
Patience
Used to Love Her

Pearl Jam:
Alive
Black
Jeremy
Porch (my personal favorite)
Release
Daughter
Rearviewmirror
Elderly Woman
Betterman
Yellow Ledbetter

Others:
Jane Says (Jane's Addiction)
Been Caught Stealin' (Jane's Addiction)
Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
Son of a Gun (Nirvana's version of a Vaselines tune)
Molly's Lips (Nirvana's version of a Vaselines tune)
Plush (Stone Temple Pilots)
Blister in the Sun (Violent Femmes)
Everything About You (Ugly Kid Joe)
Shelter Me (Cinderella)
Mrs. Robinson (Lemonheads' version of Simon & Garfunkel tune)
Creep (Radiohead)
Suck My Kiss (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Under the Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Today (Smashing Pumpkins)
Ball & Chain (Social D)
Little Miss Can't Be Wrong (Spin Doctors)
Two Princes (Spin Doctors)
Hey Jealousy (Gin Blossoms)
In a Daydream (FJB)
Wish You Were Here (Pink Floyd)
Rockin' In the Free World (Neil Young)
Rainy Day Woman (Black Crowes version of the Bob Dylan tune)
Jealous Guy (Black Crowes version of the John Lennon tune)

Our guitarist's dad's 50th b-day party:
Splish Splash
Rock 'Round the Clock
Jailhouse Rock
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Rockin' Robin

"Ladies and gentlemen, you have been too kind. Thank you so much and we'll see you next time. Until then, we are LIVE BAIT! THANK YOU!"
**thunderous applause and cheering erupts**


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

The Flixster Battle Rages On

     My second favorite website, Flixster.com, has introduced a new feature: top user charts. It ranks users on various statistics, such as most reviews, forum posts, profile reviews and more. Out of 1.5 million users now on Flixster, here is how I currently rank...

FORUM POSTS: 69TH
PROFILE VIEWS: 25TH
WRITTEN REVIEWS: 15TH
TOTAL REVIEWS: 19TH

     Does this mean I'm cool as hell or a total loser? WAIT! Don't answer that. With my magnificence, these numbers are sure to get better.
With fist in the air, stating clearly, "I rule," I am:


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Pet Peeve of the Day: Vol V

     More than a pet peeve actually; nearly a burning rage. People who go to watch their hometown sports team, and then proceed to root for the other team. At the dome the other night, I swear the Red Sox fans were just as loud, if not louder, than the Twins fans. There is no way that many people traveled from Boston. So why are all of these Minnesotans rooting for the other team (whom we spanked 6-2 by the way)? It pisses me off. And this applies to all sports and levels (i.e. Olympics, local teams, college, etc.).

C'mon people, show some spirit and root for YOUR home team!


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

A New Kind of Review

     As you may or may not know, Crest has released some new and interesting flavors of toothpaste known as "Whitneing Expressions" and I've been interested in them for weeks. But I didn't want to buy an entire tube of lemon flavored toothpaste only to find that it sucks and that I'm stuck with it for the next several months.

     But yesterday I noticed they have released a variety pack so you can try out all of the new flavors in small tubes before settling on just one and using it for weeks. So here is a very short review of each new flavor...

Cinnamon Rush
Not all that much different from Close-Up or any other cinnamon flavored toothpaste. However, it is slightly more intense and "stinging." In short, it's good. Like a strong cinnamon flavored chewing gum basically.

Extreme Herbal Mint
Really not a lot to say. It's a minty toothpaste not unlike any other spearmint toothpaste. Maybe a bit more intense. This goes the best with my after brushing mouthwash.

Lemon Ice
Here we are getting into something new. This paste tastes a lot like lemon meringue. It was the first of the four I tried yesterday and it was good, but definitely different. It seemed to get slightly syrup-y in my mouth by the end. But still, it was an intersting feeling to brush your teeth with pie filling.

Refreshing Vanilla Mint
Have you ever brushed your teeth with candy? That's what this was like. It tastes good, but the after taste in my mouth was, not surprisingly, vanilla-y for hours until I ate something. Plus, if I were to use mouthwash afterwards, it would have to be a vanilla mouthwash or I'd have a very unpleasant experience inside my mouth. I think this would be a good choice for those of you with kids who don't like to brush their teeth.



~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Two Posts in One

     I saw someone today whom I have not seen for roughly two months. After hello, the first thing she said to me was, "you look like you're losing weight." Yes! I guess the crap in the gym is starting to pay off. Since I don't own a scale, it's hard for me to tell.


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com


------------------------------------------------------------

     I downloaded the following albums today from my favorite Russian website:

Zero 7 - The Garden
Ween - Shinola
Secret Machines - Ten Silver Drops
The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers
The Long Winters - Ultimatum
Keane - Under the Iron Sea
Elbow - Cast of Thousands
Elbow - Leaders of the Free World
Gomez - How We Operate

Lots of music for the next couple of weeks. Nice.

~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

The Saga of Danny and Maria Episode III: End of an Era

     As I returned home from work the other day, I noticed a big moving van out in front of my apartment complex. I didn't think too much of it as people are constantly moving in and out of this place. But then, after my evening run, I noticed an unusual amount of noise coming from Danny and Maria's apartment upstairs. I am actually used to commotion up there, but this was different. I put the two together immediately; moving van, commotion upstairs, uh-oh! Danny and Maria are leaving me! I ran upstairs and walked past their place and sure enough, the door was propped open, cardboard boxes were everywhere and they were trying to figure out how to carry an entertainment center and a birdcage out to the van at the same time (God know why).

     So yes, I got to see what they both looked like. I actually had a chance encounter with them a month or so back, but never got around to letting you all know about it. Trust me, it's not really a great sight. She's twice his size and he looks like a shorter, dorkier version of the Marlboro Man.

     Anyway, I mentioned as I passed by that moving sucks, and Maria responded with, "indeed!" So I got to say goodbye in my own way and they are off to greener pastures hopefully. I hope for their neighbor's sake they are moving into a house, or somewhere on the ground floor. I will miss the buggers.

     It does explain the crazy crazy sex they had the night before though. One last romp through the dining room and kitchen for me to listen to I guess, then off to ...wherever.
God bless 'em.

Danny and Maria Episode I
Danny and Maria Episode II

~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Finally!

     Someone who's NOT an idiot is a contestant on "Deal or No Deal." The guy did press his luck more than he should've, but he walked with $344,000 and only had $300,000 in his case. Good job sir; I commend thee.


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Memorial Weekend

Here's my Memorial Weekend in an easy to read nutshell.

Fri:
after work, saw X-Men III. Drove 165 miles north to Nimrod, MN.

Sat:
Woke up at 11. Peed outside. Ate lunch at local bar. Saw local, outdoor baseball (Nimrod Gnats - we won). Drank beer. Rode horse. Drank beer. Nap. Peed outside. Internet/email. Drank beer. Watched "Cinderella Man" with mom. Drank beer. Star-gazing. Peed outside. Sleep.

Sun:
Played in bell choir at church - it was perfect. Nap. Went to Lake Itasca for the afternoon. Walked across the Mississippi River. Ate Walleye. Came home, drank beer. Internet. Nap. Peed outside. Internet/email. Drank beer. Watched "Crash" with Mom. Drank beer. Peed outside.

Mon:
Lazy lazy lazy. Played with dog. Watched "Sideways" with Dad. Internet. Explored forest/peed outside. Played cribbage. Sat on ass. Watched ants carry a baby snake across the driveway for a couple of hours/drank beer/internet. Came home. Internet/email. Watched "The Motorcyle Diaries." Bed.

And Drewbacca looked upon what he had accomplished and said, "It is good."


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

Dizzy Found Me Last Night

"Let me share the ride..."
With a quick road trip, the Brothers' Robinson and the rest of The Black Crowes were once again graced by my presence as well Crowes fan die-hard, Mr. P. Wagner, at a small club in the heart of the booming metropolis, Clive, IA.

"Sunday Night Buttermilk Waltz..."
Seeing a show at Val Air Ballroom was like seeing a band at the local roller skating rink. A huge, oval shaped, wooden floor with walls and a ceiling that glowed neon green and purple. A HUGE disco ball (that was, alas, never turned on) hung from the ceiling. A cafeteria/bar was spread across the entire left side of the main ballroom with seating and tables for the old folks.

Remedies consumed by this point:
White Russian
Absolut Tonic
16oz. Michelob Golden Light

The show started right on time and with one of my favorite live tunes they do: "Stare it Cold." Mellowing out right away afterwards with "Seeing Things (For the Very First Time)."

And the drink played on:
12oz. Williams Brothers Beer
12oz. Williams Brothers Beer


"If you feel like a riot, don't you deny it..."
The rest of the set played out as usual Crowes fare. "My Morning Song" (my favorite Crowes tune of all time) helped along my happy delirium. "Up on Cripple Creek" was covered for only the second time ever by the Crowes and really got everyone into the groove. The last song neither my compatriot or I knew what it was, but it was one of the best songs of the night: "Lay it All on Me." I can't wait to get a copy of this show so I can hear that one again.


Set break:
12oz. Michelob Golden Light
Bud Lite Can
Bud Lite Can

Bathroom break was a nightmare, but a security guard led me and about 20 other people out of a secret door in the back and let us urinate on the back of the building. Reason #672 to be glad I'm male.

"Powered by 100% freak power..."
Second set was a little unorthodox. Several b-sides and even cuts from the upcoming new album were given to us and the crowd ate it up. These were hard-core fans that knew the words to even the most obscure songs. But the electricity topped out during "Soul Singing" when everyone just let their vocals loose.

PW arrives at my side at some point with the following:
a can of Bud Lite
a can of Bud Lite
a can of Bud Lite
a can of Bud Lite
a can of Bud Lite
a can of Bud Lite
a smile

"Baby just you watch my head spin..."
As the tunes wore on, my memory starts to get a little hazy. I have no recollection of Jealous Again as I was trying to maintain invisibility as I peed into a plastic cup. At some point, a crazed "fan" threw a cup full of ice onstage nearly hitting Chris. Chris was understandably not amused and we could all read the verbal obscenities coming out of his mouth as he chastised this stupid kid who apparently thought he was at a Skid Row concert. After the song, Chris took to the mic to rip this kid further as the entire crowd pointed to this idiot as he tried to slink out the exit. "Your 40 years old and livin' in momma's basebent. Maybe you should move the f**k out," Chris said.

After "Wiser Time" ended, this was one of the most energetic group of fans I have ever seen at a Crowes show. The encore kicked in with "Space Captain." This pleased us as we had been clamouring and yelling for it all night. The crowd continues to rock out. After this song, I could tell things were supposed to be over, but the crowd's chanting and yelling brought them out for one more. After a quick onstage meeting, the band finally decided to jam out a tune called "Oh Well." We had an Absolut blast and am so glad we made the drive.

"Put your good foot forward..."
At some point during the show I went to find actual sustenance for my friend who I knew had not eaten all night. I got two tap beers and a huge slice of pizza. On my return trip to my spot in the crowd, I forgot there was one more small step onto the floor. I tripped and fell on my side. Saving (most of) both beers and the pizza. This didn't happen because I was a stupid fall-down drunk idiot (that doesn't happen to me); it happened simply because I don't know the venue and forgot about that last step. A girl who was standing there for some reason decided to add insult to injury and poured just a swallow her beer on my head. Why someone would do this is beyond me. Her boyfriend called her a bitch or something and helped me up (thanks dude). I made it back to my bubble of happiness among the crowd and my friend enjoyed his pepperoni.

"This room smells like hotel illness..."
After the show we retreated for more beer and a Jag-bomb at the local bar. Cabbie picks us up and we return to out hotel to trash it like the rock stars that we are, order pizza and try to hack the TV system into giving us free Mario Kart. Basically causing chaos because we can...ya know, different zip code and all.

"Woke up in a whirlwind..."
My body is stiff and my head hurts a little. Cracker Barrel, aspirin and Visine makes the morning easier.

"Another song, another mile..."
Wilco, Bob Marley and cuts from the, yet to be released, new Crowes album accompany our long journey home. Everything was fun and I definitely have stories for the week; including buying a beer and a shot at the bar, then proceeding to turn right around and walk out the door with them. I'm pretty sure that's not legal. I also don't think it's legal to bring them in the cab either...but whatever.

Complete Set List
- Set One -
Stare It Cold
Seeing Things ->
Give Peace A Chance
Soul Singing
Go Tell The Congregation
Coming Home
Sister Luck
Up On Cripple Creek
My Morning Song
Lay It All On Me

- Set Two -
Got To Get Better In A Little While
Under A Mountain
How Much For Your Wings?
You Don't Miss Your Water
Song Of Love
Unknown Jam *
Jealous Again
Wiser Time
- encore -
Space Captain
- second encore -
Oh Well

* Jammed while a PA problem was fixed.

"Mellow down easy..."
I'm going to go sleep for a week now. Have a wonderful week.



~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com

A First Time for Everything

Copyright to Maddox for the image.

     I've lived in an apartment of one kind or another for nearly 10 years now (aside from a brief stint in a house for two years). I have called the police ZERO times. Until today.

     I awoke this morning with a thunderous crash and uncontrollable laughing. No my loyal readers this was not Danny and Maria. This was coming from the apartment next door to my bedroom. When I say morning, I don't mean 10am. I'm talking about 5:45am on a Saturday. There were between 2 and 4 children having a ball throwing things at my wall and screaming and yelling and crying.

     I pounded on the wall three times in 20 minutes thinking they would get the hint. They did not. I swear these kids were deliberatley injected with about 6 liters of Jolt Cola. I waited and pounded for 45 minutes. Finally, I put on some flannels and my slippers and headed over to their main door (something else I've never done). I knocked three times..... no answer. I waited 30 seconds and could only hear laughing and crying (by the children). I knocked 6 times...much louder this time. Still no answer. "Fine," I thought. "You don't wanna answer your door for me and listen to my easy going complaint, you're loss."

     I dialled 911. I could tell emergency dispatch was not happy with me calling an emergeny number for a noise complaint, so I checked the phone book. No listing for the local police dept. "BANG BANG, cry cry cry" came from the damn neighbors' kids. It is now 6:55am. Screw it! I pay Verizon the $1.25 and call information.

     The police come on line and I tell them of my annoyance. Two squad cars show up and alleviate the problem quickly. I sleep like a baby from 7:30am to noon. I still have not a heard a peep from them.

     I have no idea if the parents were home or what, but it matters little. It is poor parenting to let your kids behave like this. It is like the kid last weekend who threw a crayon over our table while my friends and I tried to enjoy our Sunday morning breakfast. He should be punished...harshly. I need my beauty sleep just as much as I need to enjoy my bloody mary and french toast in peace.

     I'm going to have to use this feature more often. It is well worth the $1.25. I hope they get evicted.....fat chance, as my Dad always says.


~ Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com