April 20, 2006

The Saga of Danny and Maria

     I gave serious thought to renaming this blog and caling it the "Saga of Danny and Maria." But then I thought better of it. instead, here is the saga (so far) of Danny and Maria all in one post...

     I moved into my apartment on November 1, 2005. I was very excited to finally have my own place with no roommates or girlfriends. On the VERY EARLY morning (about 4am) of Nov. 6th, I jumped from my sleep with a start as my entire room shook as though a cable car had been dropped on my roof. As my heart raced from excitement and my nerves began to slowly relax, another earth shattering thud came from above me; this time acompanied by a man shouting: "Get the F out! Get the F out!." Only the voice wasn't saying "F," if you catch my meaning. I could hear this screaming for the next 15 minutes or so as more things seemed to tumble from the neighbors above onto their floor. It didn't sound like anyone was being beaten, just a lot of throwing and stomping, along with more yelling for someone to get the F out. Apparently, whomever was being yelled at was coming home way too late, and was with someone of whom the yeller did not approve.

     I laid awake in my bed listening to the excitement above me thinking, "if this doesn't stop in the next ten minutes, I'm going to call the cops." After five more minutes of "get the F out," and other phrases over and over and over, I peeked out my window, and sure enough, here were two squad cars in my parking lot. I thew on my flannel pants and raced downstairs to greet the officers and let them in. I informed them it wasn't me who had called, but I know where you want to go: third floor, room #XYZ.

     After that, things seemed to calm down that night and for the next 2 or 3 nights. then one thursday night, I heard strange noises again. This time, they seemed like a girl in pain. I paused my DVD and listened. I could here soft, dreamlike music coming from...somewhere. I put my ear to the middle pillar in my apartment. Just beyond the music, I could hear moaning. I quickly realized it wasn't pain, but the sounds of pleasure I was hearing. Fairly soft. I decided not to be a pervert and go back to watching "Amelie."

     Then two or three nights later, more fighting. I put my ear to the wall again and this time, the argument was about "Brokeback Mountain" of all things. Apparently this girl was upset that the guy didn't like it or didn't want to see it. I can't always hear every word ver batim, but I usually get the gist. After arguing the merits of Brokeback, this led into a whole host of things: why she spends so much time with his cousin; he doesn't like it when she discusses sexual things at the bar with other people, even her friends; how he wants them to exercise more, but whenever he brings it up, she gets angry at him for accusing her of being too fat. Keep in mind, that this is NOT a discussion, but a full blown yelling argument that lasts for more than an hour usually. Of course, every apartment adjacent, from any direction, to them can hear every word. This was the night that I finally heard him use her name: Maria.

     These fights are a regular occurrence and I've learned to actually enjoy them. I turn down my stereo or theater and just listen and have my own reality/entertainment show. But the real fun begins with the sex. Has anyone ever seen "The Secret of My Success" with Michael J Fox? He moves into a temporary place, while looking for a job in NYC, and the people next door to him make so much noise during love-making he can't concentrate on anything else? This is my life at least once a week. This is also where I learned the name of the guy that lives upstairs. Blog readers, meet Danny.

     I can't actually be sure if his name is Danny. It could be that she is screaming daddy. Like I said, words are sort of muffled with my ear against the wall. Sex with Maria is a vocally loud experience apparently. They want everyone around them to know their doing it. The headboard bangs against the wall, Maria is screaming for Danny/daddy to make her cum and he is hitting her so hard (I assume in the ass) that it permeates even my pillow over my ear. Between the screams, the moans and the "talking", it is actually possible to know what position they are in and how often each of them climaxes. It is hilarious.

     This was the best: One night last week, I came home from work a little later than normal (around 630 pm) and was shocked to hear Danny and Maria going at it a little earlier than normal. The moaning and headboard were in full throttle and I turned up my stereo and put the headphones on while I surfed the internet. After 20 minutes, I removed the headphones and was relieved to hear only silence. About an hour later, a fight broke out. She was screaming at him to "stop it!" It sounded like he was pinching her or something playfully and it turned into a fight as he kept doing it after she told him it hurts; several times. She started stomping on my ceiling and screaming and, I'm not going to get into here, this broke into another hour long fight about trivial crap. After Maria slammed the door and left the room, I was treated to more silence....for about 2 hours. Then the humping started AGAIN! Ok, I understand make-up sex, it's all good. Not 30 minutes after they had both...pleasured each other, ANOTHER fight broke out! I couldn't believe it! They had now had two sexual encounters and two major fights in the span of about four hours.

     I won't drag on any further, but I will keep updates coming as they occur. I did get the chance to finally see Danny and Maria early this week. That was an experience all it's own. I will post that story tomorrow.

     So far no one has been over at my place at the exact time any of this is taking place to confirm. But I wait for that day when a friend and I can laugh together at the saga that is Danny and Maria.


1 comment:

Big Scott said...

I'll be over in ten minutes...