February 22, 2005

Movie re-Views

     Just a quick note on this movie review page and my style. There is nothing flashy or particularly original about my reviews. I just like to write in the same way as if I was speaking to you at a party or at work "around the water cooler." In other words, a nationally renowned critic might write this:

     "Black Hawk Down" has such distinctive visual aplomb that its jingoism starts to feel like part of its atmosphere. Establishing mood through pictorial means is the director Ridley Scott's most notable talent. There may be no working director more accomplished at wringing texture out of the color blue than the prodigious and now prolific Mr. Scott; you'd swear that with his dazzling washes of blues and sand tones, he was inventing additional hues on the spot. Because Mr. Scott's eye delivers so much information, he then is at a loss to give the material a proper emotional grounding. "Black Hawk Down" is like Mr. Scott's "G.I. Jane" but this time with an all-boy cast.
-Elvis Mitchell (NY Times)

     What in the hell does that mean? And what if I've never seen "G.I. Jane?" Nobody gains anything by reading this fluff. Now I might write something like this:

     If you love guns and missiles and constant urban guerrilla warfare, you'll love "Black Hawk Down." Although a tad long, the action and adrenaline never stops pumping through the screen which increases the speed of the hands on your wristwatch. Ewan McGregor, Tom Sizemore, Eric Bana, Josh Hartnet, and a whole lot of American ass-kicking (or at times getting our asses kicked) make Black Hawk Down one of the best war films I've ever seen. Ridley Scott outdoes himself with visuals and emotion that really puts you right in the action to use an old cliche. The odd "Arabian" sounding musical score adds just that extra something to walk away from the theater saying "wow! That was one awesome movie."
-Drewbacca aka Bird (Bird's Eye re-View)

     Now obviously this wouldn't be the entire review; it's a little short. But notice how I mentioned right away that if you don't like war and guns, this may not be for you. I tell you who's in it, the basic premise, and if it is worth your time and money. If you read my reviews more often, you may begin to familiarize yourself with my quirks and tastes. Then you can tell whether or not you want to see the movie I'm writing about.

     The reason people turn to me (or at least used to) for advice on movies, is just the fact that I've seen a ton of films, and I know generally what people like and don't like; especially if I know them. I also try to see everything that comes out. I see all the Oscar contenders by the time the stars walk the red carpet, and I basically enjoy seeing all types of films. From "chick-flicks" to comedies to my favorite genre, sci-fi (if it's well done sci-fi).

     The disadvantage I have is I have to pay for my movies and I also have to spend time to see them and write about them, all while balancing a job and life; whereas a pro critic does this for a living and therefore watching movies and writing about them is his job and life. So I realize that there are not many films to choose from (on the right of your screen) that I've reviewed so far, but life has picked up lately, and I promise I will see all I can and be assured that I will write about them honestly and quickly to let you know if it is worth your nine bucks. So bookmark this site now.
     Also, check back often for movie news and links to trailers (before they hit theaters) of upcoming movies that look like they might be good. I also post random rants and praises regarding sports, music, books and all walks of pop culture and science.

February 20, 2005


     Two new news stories that have gotten little press, but deserve more for their interest factor:

Present Life on Mars

Tsunami Uncovers Ancient Underwater City

February 17, 2005

Looney Looney Looney

     What the [expletive deleted] is this!!!?

If you can't tell, this is (clockwise):Wyle E. Coyote, TAZ, Bugs Bunny, Daffy (I guess so!) Duck, Lola, Road Runner.

     This is the most insane thing I have ever seen! They all look like bats or scorpions or something. This is WB's attempt at spicing up something that does not need to be spiced up. The new Looney Tunes will be on the WB this fall. All that keeps running through my head is the dreaded day some Hollywood idiot decides to remake Star Wars. That will be the same day I "accidentally" fall off the IDS tower.

I'm not linking to this nonsense.

February 15, 2005

Hell - forecast: Frozen

     I'm sick of talking about the Wolves, so this will be quick. Olowakandi had a fantastic night tonight. Plus we won! A double-double!? 17 pts and 12 boards. Better than KG's effort. 7-11 from the field and perfect from the charity stripe!? Either pigs are flying or hell has frozen over, or whatever your cliche of choice is. Call the NSA, because obviously aliens have taken over at least one human I can think of. Maybe McHale threatened Michael with spankings or something. I can't even think straight to come up with clever lines - I am so stunned! If Olowakandi can keep up to even half of this kind of effort, we may make the play-offs after all.

Box Score

February 12, 2005

I Take it Back

     Since Glen Taylor and the Timberwolves front office are avid readers of this website, they have decided to make a drastic, yet needed, change, after reading my last post. As of Saturday, Phil "Flip" Saunders will no longer be coaching Minnesota's NBA team. Former Celtic great and current Vice-President of Basketball Operations, Kevin McHale will take over responsibility of head coch.
     Unfortunately, I think this was a needed move. He's led us to success in the past; but anyone who continually puts Michael Olowakandi (in lieu of Griffin) on the floor for more than 3 minutes, night after night after night, obviously has no interest in advancing our team to the play-offs. Any coach who allows a team consisting of 3 former all-stars and one best player on the planet, to fumble over each other and carry negative attitudes into the press and locker room, needs to be let go. Going from first to nearly worst in one year with the exact same team (arguably even a better team) and less injury, is inexcuseable.
     So, with the current team and coach on the floor, I offer a complete and utter retraction of my previous post. The imputation was totally with basis in fact and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice. I deeply regret any inconvenience my past comment have had upon the Wolves, or their families. And I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

February 09, 2005

It's Over

     That's it. I've had enough. I though they might turn it around after winning a slew of games in January, but apparently not. Stick a fork on the Timberwolves, cause they're done. They got destroyed by the Memphis Grizzlies tonight, who will be in the play-offs while KG and the boys watch from their $25,000 leather sofa.
     There was one series near the end of the game (after it was apparent we were gonna lose for sure), where the Grizzlies got 3 offensive rebounds, then we finally got the rebound, and threw it right back to them. This team has got serious issues, and I am not gonna waste my evenings watching them spiral helplessly down the drain. Last time they were in a drought I boycotted them until they won 3 in a row. This time, I won't be so generous. I am boycotting them for the rest of the season unless they make a major trade to shake things up, or get rid of Flip Saunders.
     Call me a fair weather fan if you want to, but I've been a huge Wolves fan since their conception, and I've stuck by them in good times and in bad. This is not just bad times, this is sickening. If they had bad players and were doing poorly, I would support them. But they've got a good team (except for Olowakandi), yet they continue to soil themselves night after night against teams like the Bulls and the Hawks. So I'm stating right here, I'm not watching one more T-Wolves game this year unless they make a major trade or get a new coach. It makes me sad, but I can't continue to waste my time. I have to many other important things to do.... like sleep.

February 06, 2005

Super-Bowl Thirty-something

     Wow! Patriots and Eagles. I think this was a set-up by the NFL. With our country in wartime, and it being the 60th anniversary of the end of WWII, what could be more patriotic than a Super Bowl featuring the Patriots and the Eagles? The Vikings had no chance with a conspiracy of this magnitude occurring. So really, since it was staged, who cares? It's just another football game on a Sunday right? Nope, it's all about the commercials.
     Oh wait, there are no good commercials this year thanks to Janet Jackson, Terrell Owens, Desperate Housewives, and the religious conservatives. A few dancing animals (some wearing clothes!), some guys jumping out of a plane in the name of beer, many "The Simpsons" previews, investment commercials, and who could forget the hilarity of the miracle of a baby talking with a grown man's voice? Ha ha. Made me laugh so hard, I nearly split myself. I mean, imagine! A baby talking! Quiznos never ceases to amaze me with their originality and sense of creativity.
     So all we're left with is the half-time show. Paul McCartney sings Hey Jude. Hot damn! A living legend playing a song I've only heard a million times. Fantastic. I'm already tingling with excitment at the thought of next year's "biggest sporting event of the year." Next year, after the Vikings are eliminated from the play-offs by the 10th game of the year, the NFL has promised a 180 degree turn-around in its theme. It will be a pirate theme with the Buccaneers vs the Raiders. Instead of former presidents and war heroes at pre-game, we'll have Blackbeard look-a-likes and a colorful parrot show. I can't wait.
     If you haven't detected my sarcasm in the text, here is what I really accomplished between 5:30 pm and 10pm. I finished Kirusawa's "Seven Samurai" on DVD, I ate some Doritos (new black pepper jack flavor!), I drank a beer (not Bud or Miller products), and I took a nap. I'm exhausted. I need to go to ESPN.com now and find out which team won this amazingly high-octane football game, so I can at least pretend I know what I'm talking about tomorrow around the water cooler.

February 04, 2005

Episode III Title Crawl

     No Star Wars film would be complete without those famous yellow words that crawl up the screen away from you into the depths of deep space at the beginning of each film. The newest installment, Revenge of the Sith, is no different. And this week Lucas revealed the new title crawl for the film due out in May. Here it is!

Relevant links
Everything Star Wars
Title crawls for all 6 films here

February 02, 2005

Michael Ironside Says it All

     Just for some fun, I put together these great Michael Ironside quotes. Some of them may not have the same "impact" that they would unless you've actually seen the movie and know which part the actual quote is from. Have Fun!

"I'm gonna suck your brain dry!"
- Scanners

"Peace is highly overrated."
- Highlander II: The Quickening

"Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst."
- Starship Troopers

"Blind adoration makes me so horny! Bring me a wench!"
- Heavy Metal 2000

"I like to get everyone's attention. That way, I don't have to repeat myself."
- V: The Final Battle

"I don't know....I just don't know." [while lighting a cigarette]
- Top Gun

actor A: "Kill him!"
"It's about God Damn time!"
- Totall Recall

"They sucked his brains out."
- Starship Troopers (in the running for best movie quote of all time)

"I never died so many times in my whole life."
- Dead Man's Revenge

"You know, from this distance I could almost cut him in half."
- V: The Final Battle

"Something given has no value. When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived."
- Starship Troopers

"What do you mean you can't find them? How do you lose a 6 foot bitch with a talking rock, huh?"
- Heavy Metal 2000

"I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better."
- Starship Troopers

"When you kill somone, make sure they're dead."
- Heavy Metal 2000

You will see more quotes from other second rate actors that I enjoy in the weeks to come. Maybe Marc Singer, maybe Dean Cameron. You'll have to wait and see...

Here's a Bet For You

     I will not alter this post in any way. I just flipped on the Timberwolves game. I was anxious to watch a great game against the Phoenix Suns. Then I noticed Punxsutawney Phil has decided to start Michael Olowakandi tonight. I flipped off the game and rushed to my cmputer to issue this challenge. If the Wolves win tonight, I will pay anyone who reads this post $15,000. You read right! I won't delete this post (not that you'd ever know if I did).
     Now, we're playing the Suns, the best team in basketball right now, but even if we were playing the Hornets I would still issue this bet to anyone. We cannot win with Olowakandi on the floor. Period. I'm tired of this. Something must be done. I'll watch the pre-state of the union speech coverage on Fox instead. If the Timberwolves win tonight, e-mail me anytime in the next 3 days, and I will send you a briefcase with crisp $100 bills totalling not less than $15,000.