This weekend I purchased what is probably the most important book I will ever read:
"The Zombie Survival Guide."
Written by: Max Brooks
You all scoff at me now (as did my friend I was with when I bought the book), but you'll thank me someday when the undead rise to cause havoc on this world. I'll have the knowledge, confidence and know-how to keep you alive.
As many of you know, I love Zombie films; but as I've read and learned over the past couple of days, Hollywood has deceived us on many levels. I've started vigorous training protocols and prepared a contingency plan for all 4 levels of outbreak. I highly suggest each of you take into consideration this very real threat and spend the most important $13 of your life...it just may save it.
Here are excerpts from the table of contents; just to give you a taste of the vast amount of knowledge you are sure to attain in the 250 pages of vital information...
I. THE UNDEAD: MYTHS AND REALITIES
Solanum: The Virus
Source...Symptoms...Transference...Cross-Species...Infection...Treatment...
Zombie Attributes
Physical Abilities...Behavioral Patterns
Outbreaks
Class 1...Class 2...Class 3...Class 4
Detection
II. WEAPONS AND COMBAT TECHNIQUES
General Rules
Close Combat
Bludgeons...Edged Weapons...Misc. Hand Weapons...Power Tools
Slings & Arrows
Firearms
Explosives
Fire
Molotov Cocktails...Dousing...The Blowtorch...The Flamethrower
Other Weapons
Acid...Poison...Electrocution...Zoological Warfare...Genetic Warfare...Nanotherapy...[more]
Armor
III. ON THE DEFENSE
The Private Residence (Defending Your Home)
Preparation Part 1: The Home...Preparation Part 2: Supplies...Surviving an Attack...Immediate Defense
Public Spaces
Schools...Hospitals...Malls..Churches...Shipyards...Banks...
Cemetaries...Office Buildings...Capitols and City Halls...[many many more]
General Rules
The Fortress
Military Complexes...Prisons...Offshore Oil Rigs
IV: ON THE RUN
General Rules
Establish a Destination...One Goal...Gather Intel...Plan Your Journey...Avoid Large Groups...Train Your Group...Remain Mobile...[much more]
Equipment
Vehicles
Sedan...SUV...Busses..Trucks...Armored Cars...Motorcycles...[more]
Terrain Types
Forest...Plains..Swamp...[much more]
Alternate Means of Transportation
By Air...By Water
V. ON THE ATTACK
General Rules
Collective Response...Keep Discipline...[about 50 more categories]
Weapons and Gear
Transportation
Terrain Types
Strategies
Lure and Destroy...The Barricade...The Tower...Mobile Tower...The Cage...The Tank...The Stampede...Motorized Sweep...Airborne Sweep...The Firestorm..Underwater Battles...[more]
VI: LIVING IN AN UNDEAD WORLD
The Undead World
Starting Over
General Rules
Assemble a Group...Study Study Study!...Wean Yourself Off Luxury Items...[tons more]
Terrain Types
Duration
Then What!?
VII: RECORDED ATTACKS
(here's just a few of about 50 catalogued in the book):
60,000 BC - Katanda, Central Africa
3000 BC - Hieraconpolis, Egypt
212 BC - China
1073 AD - Jerusalem
1690 AD - The Southern Atlantic
1611 AD - Edo, Japan
1848 AD - Owl Creek Mountains, Wyoming
1923 AD - Colombo, Ceylon
1942-45 AD - Harbin, Japanese Puppet State of Manchukuo (Manchuria)
1960 AD - Byelgoransk, Soviet Union
1987 AD - Khotan, China
Apr. 1994 AD - Santa Monica Bay, California
1996 AD - The Line of Control, India
2002 AD - St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
Appendix: Keep Your Own Outbreak Journal
So again, I highly recommend you pick up this essential training and survival guide for you and your family. If you see any signs of a possible zombie outbreak, try to contact me immediately and we can join forces to save ourselves, our community and maybe even the entire world!
- Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
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3 comments:
You need to get out of the house man...
you do realize that max brooks is a professional screenwriter and wrote this book, at his own admission, in hopes someone would buy the screenplay rights?
didnt think so.
your stupid.
i have personaly gone through the book and researched all the recorded attacks none are real or even rooted in fact and the genre is clearly typed on the back as humor right next to the price of $12.95 witch it is well worth for the fact that it is a very good piece of fiction and nothing more
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