~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 28, 2007
April 26, 2007
Funny Thing, Capitalism
Less than a year ago, if you'd asked me my least favorite theater, I'd've told you AMC theaters at Southdale. It wouldn't even have been a question. The stories I could tell you about just about every experience I had at that theater are ridiculous. You wouldn't BELIEVE the crap that theater tried to pull over on me. Actually, to be fair, when I really hated them, they weren't AMC. They were Megastar or some such nonsense.
Since AMC took over, they've really cleaned up their act and gotten a lot better. Still, it's a little further than I normally like to drive, so I don't go there much unless I'm meeting a friend or something. Normally I head over to the Regal cinema which is less than five miles from my house. I have a club card there and get free stuff from time to time. It's also generally not too busy and it's a decent cinema with the amenities of a state of the art theater.
Now, in 2006 I saw 97 movies in theaters and I'm on pace to top that in 2007. So you can imagine how dismayed I was to find that Regal upped their ticket prices by $0.75 to a price of $9.25 per ticket. Doesn't seem like much, but if you consider that'll cost me close to $75 over the year, it's kind of a big deal. But whatever; I just figure it's inflation and that how things work.
That all changed for me this evening. I met a friend for a movie at AMC theaters. I was surprised to learn that my ticket only cost $6. Apparently that is now the standard price for all movies on Mon-Thurs at their theater. I remarked on this and the usher also told me that includes Thursday night midnight showings (even though it's technically Friday). So that clinches it for me. I'm willing to drive the extra five miles to pay over $3 less per movie. That's a savings of over $300 per year!
So I get home to send a message to Regal that I'm not going to their theater anymore thanks to AMC's new pricing policy. I'm sure they'll offer me free shit... nice. I then travel over to AMC website to say thanks and I learn some more great news. On the first screening of every movie on Sat and Sundays, tickets are only $5. Cool, since I go to a lot of Saturday matinees on the year anyway. Next I also find that they are part of what they call "AMC select," which will begin playing "less than mainstream" movies. In other words, I won't have to drive downtown to the arthouse and pay for parking to see films like the upcoming Jindabyne or Fay Grim. AMC could very well have them.
Moral of the story: because of competition and free market (i.e. capitalism), I now will save a ton of time and money on movies by going to a theater that less than a year ago I would not have stepped foot in.
End of happy day.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Since AMC took over, they've really cleaned up their act and gotten a lot better. Still, it's a little further than I normally like to drive, so I don't go there much unless I'm meeting a friend or something. Normally I head over to the Regal cinema which is less than five miles from my house. I have a club card there and get free stuff from time to time. It's also generally not too busy and it's a decent cinema with the amenities of a state of the art theater.
Now, in 2006 I saw 97 movies in theaters and I'm on pace to top that in 2007. So you can imagine how dismayed I was to find that Regal upped their ticket prices by $0.75 to a price of $9.25 per ticket. Doesn't seem like much, but if you consider that'll cost me close to $75 over the year, it's kind of a big deal. But whatever; I just figure it's inflation and that how things work.
That all changed for me this evening. I met a friend for a movie at AMC theaters. I was surprised to learn that my ticket only cost $6. Apparently that is now the standard price for all movies on Mon-Thurs at their theater. I remarked on this and the usher also told me that includes Thursday night midnight showings (even though it's technically Friday). So that clinches it for me. I'm willing to drive the extra five miles to pay over $3 less per movie. That's a savings of over $300 per year!
So I get home to send a message to Regal that I'm not going to their theater anymore thanks to AMC's new pricing policy. I'm sure they'll offer me free shit... nice. I then travel over to AMC website to say thanks and I learn some more great news. On the first screening of every movie on Sat and Sundays, tickets are only $5. Cool, since I go to a lot of Saturday matinees on the year anyway. Next I also find that they are part of what they call "AMC select," which will begin playing "less than mainstream" movies. In other words, I won't have to drive downtown to the arthouse and pay for parking to see films like the upcoming Jindabyne or Fay Grim. AMC could very well have them.
Moral of the story: because of competition and free market (i.e. capitalism), I now will save a ton of time and money on movies by going to a theater that less than a year ago I would not have stepped foot in.
End of happy day.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Let the Fun Begin
Since I got my speakers going, I thought I'd celbrate by embedding the first YouTube video I came across. A bunch of idiots on a Japanese Game Show. Say the tongue twister or face the consequences. I would not play this game...
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
YEAH!
After a year of trial and tribulation, I finally have my speakers at work rolling. The office is a rockin, don't come a knockin'. I feel SO good. I can now watch YouTube vids while the boss is away! (Chris, don't read that last sentence).
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Spinal Tap is Back!
reprinted from hecklerspray.com
Live Earth - the energy-gulping series of global concerts that will slurp electricity and dump waste in order to teach the world that energy gulping, electricity slurping and waste dumping is killing the planet - has just signed up Spinal Tap.
Yes, that Spinal Tap - the deliberately bad spoof 1980s metal band from legendary mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap - are the latest group to be added to the Live Earth Wembley line-up; a line-up that's already packed with planet-saving, sales-increasing artists like Madonna, Paulo Nutini, Keane, Razorlight, Corinne Bailey Rae and James Blunt. So at least it's good to see that the pretend heavy metal group made up of a Lord and Ned Flanders from The Simpsons have given Live Earth a little bit of credibility at last.
We've been told that the Wembley leg of the Al Gore-announced Live Earth concerts could have sold out five times over; which, to our calculations, means that we completely underestimated the amount of foolish idiots who don't realise that paying £55 to drive to a huge sports stadium in their cars only to eat and drink overpriced refreshments from a mountain of disposable containers and bleat smugly to themselves that climate change is really important in between Snow Patrol songs might just be a teensy bit hypocritical.
So far, though, Live Earth has been warmly received by eco-friendly popstars like Madonna and James Blunt - people who respectively throw away toilet seats after they've shat through them once and buy entire mountains when the mood takes them - but the response to Live Earth hasn't been so warm everywhere.
For instance, Live Earth wanted to use the most preposterous rock band ever on the Wembley date. However, Muse said no, so Live Earth roped in Spinal Tap instead. Even though Spinal Tap don't actually exist. This Is Spinal Tap director Rob Reiner has been speaking about how much Spinal Tap know about climate change:
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Live Earth - the energy-gulping series of global concerts that will slurp electricity and dump waste in order to teach the world that energy gulping, electricity slurping and waste dumping is killing the planet - has just signed up Spinal Tap.
Yes, that Spinal Tap - the deliberately bad spoof 1980s metal band from legendary mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap - are the latest group to be added to the Live Earth Wembley line-up; a line-up that's already packed with planet-saving, sales-increasing artists like Madonna, Paulo Nutini, Keane, Razorlight, Corinne Bailey Rae and James Blunt. So at least it's good to see that the pretend heavy metal group made up of a Lord and Ned Flanders from The Simpsons have given Live Earth a little bit of credibility at last.
We've been told that the Wembley leg of the Al Gore-announced Live Earth concerts could have sold out five times over; which, to our calculations, means that we completely underestimated the amount of foolish idiots who don't realise that paying £55 to drive to a huge sports stadium in their cars only to eat and drink overpriced refreshments from a mountain of disposable containers and bleat smugly to themselves that climate change is really important in between Snow Patrol songs might just be a teensy bit hypocritical.
So far, though, Live Earth has been warmly received by eco-friendly popstars like Madonna and James Blunt - people who respectively throw away toilet seats after they've shat through them once and buy entire mountains when the mood takes them - but the response to Live Earth hasn't been so warm everywhere.
For instance, Live Earth wanted to use the most preposterous rock band ever on the Wembley date. However, Muse said no, so Live Earth roped in Spinal Tap instead. Even though Spinal Tap don't actually exist. This Is Spinal Tap director Rob Reiner has been speaking about how much Spinal Tap know about climate change:
"They're not that environmentally conscious, but they've heard of global warming. Nigel thought it was just because he was wearing too much clothing—that if he just took his jacket off it would be cooler."
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 24, 2007
An Even LONGER Post
My last longest post was some lyrics from a "Weird" Al Yankovic song called "Stuck in the Drive-Through." Here is an even longer song by Mr. Yankovic entitled "Albuquerque" from the album Running with Scissors. Why am I posting this? Because it's my blog and I can; plus it's a funny song and I like it!
Lyrics:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the
stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the
street from Jerry's Bait Shop... You know the place... Well anyway,
back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy...
except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning my
mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast.
Dawww!! Big bowl of sauerkraut!
Every single mornin'! It was driving me crazy.
I said to my mom, I said, "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an
oncoming train. And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, "IT'S
GOOD FOR YOU!" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my
mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and a half
years old.
That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get outta that
basement and travel to a magical, far away place, where the sun is
always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels
are oh so fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles
all day long, and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for
a nickel!
Wacka wacka, doo doo, yeah!
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream
came true. Because the very next day, a local radio station had this
contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in
Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won the grand
prize. That's right, a first class, one-way ticket...
to Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Oh yeah. You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta
tell ya, it was really great... except that I had to sit between two large
Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. And the little kid in
back of me kept throwin' up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of
Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with
Pauly Shore...and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out, and we
went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a
giant fireball and everybody died. Except for me. You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha. Aahhh. So I crawled from the twisted, burnin'
wreckage, I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, draggin'
along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone
and my 12-pound bowlin' ball and my lucky, lucky autographed
glow-in-the-dark snorkel. But finally I arrived at the world famous
Albuquerque Holiday Inn where the towels are oh so fluffy! And you can
eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. It's OK, they're
clean.
Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the A/C, and I turned
on the SpectraVision, and I'm just about to eat that little chocolate
mint on my pillow that I love so very, very much, when suddenly there's
a knock on the door. Well, now, who could that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No answer.
"Who is it?" There's no answer.
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not sayin' anything.
So finally, I go over and I open the door, and just as I suspected,
it's some big, fat hermaphrodite with a flock of seagulls, haircut, and
only one nostril. Oh, man, I hate it when I'm right.
So, anyway, he bursts into my room, and he grabs my lucky snorkel, and
I'm like, "Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a
snorkel to me."
And he's like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And he's like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'kay!"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus, and I bit off his ear
and he chewed off my eyebrows, and I took out his appendix and he gave
a colonic irrigation, yes indeed, you better believe it. And somehow in
the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook. And twenty
seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said?
I'll tell ya what it said!
It said, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.
If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator."
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I
made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest, I would
not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostrilled man was brought to
justice.
But first, I decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car, and I
drove over to the donut shop, and I walked on up to the guy behind the
counter and he says, "Yeah, whaddaya want??"
I said, "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're outta glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]
He said, "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any apple fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any bear claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, I'll go check."
"No, we're outta bear claws!"
I said, "Well, in that case... in that case, what do you have?"
He says, "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels."
I said, "OK, I'll take that."
So he hands me the box, and I open up the lid, and the weasels jump out
and they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over.
Oh, man, they were just goin' nuts! They were tearin' me apart! You
know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started
goin' through my head. I believe it went a little somethin' like this:
DOH! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Ohhh! No, get 'em off, get 'em
off! Oh, oh God, oh God! Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God! Ah,
AaaaaaahhhhhhhhhOhhhhhhhhhh!
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my
face, wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like
a constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have it, that's exactly
when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a
caligraphy enthusiast, with a slight overbite, and hair the color of
strained peaches. I'll never forget the very first thing she said to
me. She said, "Hey, you've got weasels on your face."
That's when I knew it was true love. We were inseparable after that.
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece
of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got
married, and we bought us a house and had two beautiful children,
Nathaniel and Superfly. Oh we were so very, very, very happy, oh yeah.
But then, one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said, "Sweetie
pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said, "Woah!
Hold on now, baby! I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!"
So we broke up, and I never saw her again
but that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me, because about a week
later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream. That's right, I got me a
part-time job at the Sizzler! I even made employee of the month after I
put out that grease fire with my face. Aw yeah, everybody was pretty
jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attitude.
OK, like one time, I was out in the parkin' lot, tryin' to remove my excess
earwax with a golf pencil, when I see this guy Marty
tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself. So I-I say to
him, I say, "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And
Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes, "No, I want you
to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did.
And then he gets all indignant on me. He's like, "Hey, man, I was just
being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great. How was I supposed to know
that? I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud. Besides, now he's got
a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comes up to
me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days.
Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out
of his jugular vein. And he's yelling and screaming and bleeding all
over, and I'm like, "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?" But he just keeps
rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding and screaming, "Aaaahhhh!
AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!" You know, completely missing the irony of
the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um...um...where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought.
Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway, I-I know it's kind of a roundabout way of
saying it, but, I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is...
I HATE SAUERKRAUT!
That's all I'm really tryin' to say. And, by the way,
if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential
quandry, full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and
isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you can take
a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this
crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours, there's still a little place
called Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
I said A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
.... querque! (querque!)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!
*burp*
heh heh heh heh
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Lyrics:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the
stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the
street from Jerry's Bait Shop... You know the place... Well anyway,
back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy...
except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning my
mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast.
Dawww!! Big bowl of sauerkraut!
Every single mornin'! It was driving me crazy.
I said to my mom, I said, "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an
oncoming train. And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, "IT'S
GOOD FOR YOU!" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my
mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and a half
years old.
That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get outta that
basement and travel to a magical, far away place, where the sun is
always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels
are oh so fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles
all day long, and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for
a nickel!
Wacka wacka, doo doo, yeah!
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream
came true. Because the very next day, a local radio station had this
contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in
Leonard Nimoy's butt. I was off by three, but I still won the grand
prize. That's right, a first class, one-way ticket...
to Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Oh yeah. You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I gotta
tell ya, it was really great... except that I had to sit between two large
Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. And the little kid in
back of me kept throwin' up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of
Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with
Pauly Shore...and, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out, and we
went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a
giant fireball and everybody died. Except for me. You know why?
'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha. Aahhh. So I crawled from the twisted, burnin'
wreckage, I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, draggin'
along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone
and my 12-pound bowlin' ball and my lucky, lucky autographed
glow-in-the-dark snorkel. But finally I arrived at the world famous
Albuquerque Holiday Inn where the towels are oh so fluffy! And you can
eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. It's OK, they're
clean.
Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the A/C, and I turned
on the SpectraVision, and I'm just about to eat that little chocolate
mint on my pillow that I love so very, very much, when suddenly there's
a knock on the door. Well, now, who could that be?
I say, "Who is it?" No answer.
"Who is it?" There's no answer.
"WHO IS IT!?" They're not sayin' anything.
So finally, I go over and I open the door, and just as I suspected,
it's some big, fat hermaphrodite with a flock of seagulls, haircut, and
only one nostril. Oh, man, I hate it when I'm right.
So, anyway, he bursts into my room, and he grabs my lucky snorkel, and
I'm like, "Hey, you can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a
snorkel to me."
And he's like, "Tough!"
And I'm like, "Give it!"
And he's like, "Make me!"
And I'm like, "'kay!"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus, and I bit off his ear
and he chewed off my eyebrows, and I took out his appendix and he gave
a colonic irrigation, yes indeed, you better believe it. And somehow in
the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook. And twenty
seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said?
I'll tell ya what it said!
It said, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.
If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator."
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I
made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest, I would
not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostrilled man was brought to
justice.
But first, I decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car, and I
drove over to the donut shop, and I walked on up to the guy behind the
counter and he says, "Yeah, whaddaya want??"
I said, "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said, "Nah, we're outta glazed donuts."
I say, "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta jelly donuts."
I said, "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said, "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
I said, "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
[ Lyrics found on http://www.metrolyrics.com ]
He said, "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!"
I said, "You got any apple fritters?"
He said, "No, we're outta apple fritters!"
I said, "You got any bear claws?"
He said, "Wait a minute, I'll go check."
"No, we're outta bear claws!"
I said, "Well, in that case... in that case, what do you have?"
He says, "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels."
I said, "OK, I'll take that."
So he hands me the box, and I open up the lid, and the weasels jump out
and they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over.
Oh, man, they were just goin' nuts! They were tearin' me apart! You
know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started
goin' through my head. I believe it went a little somethin' like this:
DOH! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Ohhh! No, get 'em off, get 'em
off! Oh, oh God, oh God! Oh, get 'em off me! Oh, oh God! Ah,
AaaaaaahhhhhhhhhOhhhhhhhhhh!
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my
face, wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' like
a constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have it, that's exactly
when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a
caligraphy enthusiast, with a slight overbite, and hair the color of
strained peaches. I'll never forget the very first thing she said to
me. She said, "Hey, you've got weasels on your face."
That's when I knew it was true love. We were inseparable after that.
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece
of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got
married, and we bought us a house and had two beautiful children,
Nathaniel and Superfly. Oh we were so very, very, very happy, oh yeah.
But then, one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said, "Sweetie
pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said, "Woah!
Hold on now, baby! I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!"
So we broke up, and I never saw her again
but that's just the way things go
In Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me, because about a week
later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream. That's right, I got me a
part-time job at the Sizzler! I even made employee of the month after I
put out that grease fire with my face. Aw yeah, everybody was pretty
jealous of me after that. I was gettin' a lot of attitude.
OK, like one time, I was out in the parkin' lot, tryin' to remove my excess
earwax with a golf pencil, when I see this guy Marty
tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself. So I-I say to
him, I say, "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And
Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes, "No, I want you
to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did.
And then he gets all indignant on me. He's like, "Hey, man, I was just
being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great. How was I supposed to know
that? I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud. Besides, now he's got
a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comes up to
me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days.
Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out
of his jugular vein. And he's yelling and screaming and bleeding all
over, and I'm like, "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?" But he just keeps
rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding and screaming, "Aaaahhhh!
AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!" You know, completely missing the irony of
the whole situation. Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um...um...where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought.
Uh, well, uh, OK, anyway, I-I know it's kind of a roundabout way of
saying it, but, I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is...
I HATE SAUERKRAUT!
That's all I'm really tryin' to say. And, by the way,
if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential
quandry, full of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain and
isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence, at least you can take
a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this
crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours, there's still a little place
called Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
Albuquerque! (Albuquerque!)
I said A! (A!)
L! (L!)
B! (B!)
U! (U!)
.... querque! (querque!)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
(Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque)
Al...buquerque!
*burp*
heh heh heh heh
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 20, 2007
Another Defeat
New bar, new questions, new adversaries, same $100 cash prize, same result: loss. Movie trivia league play starts in June if anyone knows anything about movies and wants to win some big bucks.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 19, 2007
April 18, 2007
Detecting Planets
I was reading today at Space.com that scientists have figured out a way to photograph earth like planets in other solar systems that are light years away. Until now, we couldn't shoot them because of the scattering of light from their parent star (or sun), minor imperfections in our telescopes and various other factors.
Scientists have now developed the technology to overcome these obstacles in the form of a chronograph. "It works and it's ready to go," said one senior research assistant. Theoretically, it could be put aboard a spacecraft today and start working asap. They are hoping for it to go aboard the Terrestrial Planet Finder, but unfortunately there's no launch date yet for lack of funding.
This bugs me. With all the money our government and our private citizens spend on pointless crap, we can't afford to launch a probe that could detect AND take pictures of earth-like planets that could eventually lead to finding life elsewhere in our galaxy. Even with Bush's speech about funding and space exploration, I think everyone's far too caught up in the Mars exploratory committee. Which is important and interesting as well, but I think this is more important and far more interesting.
Just my $.02 though.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Scientists have now developed the technology to overcome these obstacles in the form of a chronograph. "It works and it's ready to go," said one senior research assistant. Theoretically, it could be put aboard a spacecraft today and start working asap. They are hoping for it to go aboard the Terrestrial Planet Finder, but unfortunately there's no launch date yet for lack of funding.
This bugs me. With all the money our government and our private citizens spend on pointless crap, we can't afford to launch a probe that could detect AND take pictures of earth-like planets that could eventually lead to finding life elsewhere in our galaxy. Even with Bush's speech about funding and space exploration, I think everyone's far too caught up in the Mars exploratory committee. Which is important and interesting as well, but I think this is more important and far more interesting.
Just my $.02 though.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Rock Out - 80's Style
Rumor has it that the next installment of the popular video game, Guitar Hero, is well on the way for a release date sometime in June. An addicting game, GH 1 & 2 have become huge staples in the video game industry. The new sequel, with a Guitar Hero 3 to soon follow, will feature all 80's tracks, downloadable songs and an online multi-player feature. June? Yeah, like in two months. Keep on rockin in the free world!~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 15, 2007
Best Movies of the Last 12 Months
Because I have a movie web site, I don't take the time to post movie related items on this blog. And since I just saw the best film of 2007 so far, here are, in no particular order, the best films I've seen in the past 12 months. They weren't necessarily released in that time, in fact some are fairly old, but I saw them for the first time recently.
Links are provided if I happened to write a review for the title...
The Wind that Shakes the Barley
United 93
Little Children
Funky Forest
Babel
Half Nelson
Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall and Spring
Cinema Paradiso
Children of Men
Volver
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Apocalypto
Grindhouse: Planet Terror and Death Proof
Black Snake Moan
Zodiac
3-Iron
Sympathy for Mr Vengeance
Rear Window
Oldboy
The Proposition
The Queen
Sex and Lucia
Last king of Scotland
The New World
Raise the Red Lantern
Amores Perros
Check em out.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Links are provided if I happened to write a review for the title...
The Wind that Shakes the Barley
United 93
Little Children
Funky Forest
Babel
Half Nelson
Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall and Spring
Cinema Paradiso
Children of Men
Volver
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Apocalypto
Grindhouse: Planet Terror and Death Proof
Black Snake Moan
Zodiac
3-Iron
Sympathy for Mr Vengeance
Rear Window
Oldboy
The Proposition
The Queen
Sex and Lucia
Last king of Scotland
The New World
Raise the Red Lantern
Amores Perros
Check em out.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 13, 2007
We're Talkin' Baseball
The new Twins stadium, artists' conception drawing were unveiled yesterday. Um... I don't know about you, but I'll be there opening day.
Click images for larger version...
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Click images for larger version...
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
April 12, 2007
It's Been a While
Spending too much time posting on this other site to have time for Bird's Eye re-View. Sorry about that.
But Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday. That sucks. I didn't agree with his politics, but I liked his books. I read:
Breakfast of Champions
Slaughter House Five
Timequake
My favorite book was always Feast of Snakes. Until I found out recently he didn't write that. Oh well. See ya later bud.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
But Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday. That sucks. I didn't agree with his politics, but I liked his books. I read:
Breakfast of Champions
Slaughter House Five
Timequake
My favorite book was always Feast of Snakes. Until I found out recently he didn't write that. Oh well. See ya later bud.
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
March 31, 2007
Hit Me With Your Best Shot
By Alex Abramovich
Which vodka is the best? According to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives—which sets the rules for spirits sold in the United States—vodka is defined as a neutral spirit "without distinctive character, aroma, taste or color." In theory, then, one brand of vodka should taste like every other, and the phrase "premium vodka" would be something of an oxymoron. In fact, vodka's neutral taste does account for much of its appeal: It mixes equally well with tonic water and tomato juice, and it can be as crisp and corporate as James Bond's vodka martinis or as trashy as the "swamp waters" my local bartender mixes (made of vodka and Mountain Dew). Vodka suits any occasion, goes with any food, and (if you believe certain advertisements) gives you less of a hangover than any other liquor. It's no wonder that in America, vodka outsells gin, rum, and tequila, as well as scotch, bourbon, and Canadian whiskey.
But if all vodkas tasted alike, there'd be no reason to favor a $30 bottle of Armadale over a $12 magnum of Fleischmann's. In fact, all vodkas are not alike. Vodka can be distilled in a good many ways, from a great many substances, including wheat, rye, beets, corn, potatoes, and sugar cane. (In Russia, the Yukos oil conglomerate recently made headlines for marketing a vodka distilled from hemp seeds.) As a result, each brand has a distinct smell, flavor, aftertaste, and burn (i.e., the burning sensation vodka creates as it goes down your gullet). The grain-based vodkas, which are the most popular, tend to be smooth and can even taste fruity. Vegetable-based vodkas are often (and often unfairly) dismissed as being harsh and medicinal.
So, your basic bottle of Smirnoff is fine for mixed drinks, but you wouldn't want to drink shots of it. Conversely, top-shelf brands such as Armadale and Jewel of Russia are too good—and too expensive—to mix with anything but ice and/or tonic water and are best drunk straight and straight from the freezer. Because most people mix their vodka with tonic, soda, vermouth, or juice, few drinkers I polled could tell me why exactly they preferred Grey Goose over Chopin or Stoli over Absolut. Does it really matter which brand you buy? I recently invited 11 friends over to find out.
Procedure
In Eastern Europe, people tend to drink vodka straight, draining each ice-cold shot glass in a single gulp. Each shot is immediately followed by a zakuska—the Russian word for bite-sized snacks that are said to bring out the flavor of the vodka you've just sampled (and buffer your stomach for the next shot). To transplant this method to my Astoria apartment, I drove out to the Russian enclave in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, and loaded up on pickles, blintzes, smoked fish, black bread, caviar, and other drinker's delicacies.
As for the 11 vodkas I bought, I limited myself to easily obtainable premium brands and avoided the obscure boutique labels most suburban liquor stores wouldn't carry. A few vodkas were recommended by friends in the know, others by bartenders who should have known better. Because the best American brands—like Tito's—can be impossible to find, the test was limited to imported vodkas. Because the most expensive vodka we sampled cost less than $35, price wasn't one of our considerations. And to keep the playing field level, no flavored vodkas were sampled.
I served each vodka chilled, in a small frosted shot glass. (Given that each taster had to try each of the 11 vodkas, I tended to pour half-shots.) The labels were covered until everyone on the panel had had a chance to comment on the smell, flavor, burn, and aftertaste of the brand they'd just tried. I recorded their comments, tallied up the votes, and then revealed the final verdict. We rated each vodka on a scale of one to five shot glasses. At the end of the judging, we put the most popular brands through an intense lightning round. Two days later, I'd gotten over a very substantial hangover and set about compiling the results.
First-Round Results: From Worst to Best
Cîroc
$27.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
French; distilled from grapes
The hoity-toity accent circumflex reveals Cîroc's nationality, and a smartly tapered purplish bottle hints at the spirit's source—grapes grown in the Gaillac and Cognac regions of southwest France. Grape-based vodkas are something of a novelty, and Cîroc, which was introduced in 2002, has positioned itself as a clear alternative to its wheat-based competitors, running clever advertisements that urged drinkers to "go against the grain." But is Cîroc's taste distinctive enough to win us over? As it happens, the panel did pick up on this vodka's "viney, stemmy aftertaste," as well as "hints of orange and anise." And most of us agreed that the shots "went down smoothly" with "very little burn" and "a clean, crisp finish." In the end, though, we concluded that Cîroc was too distinct for its own good—that it was "a grappa, or eau de vie, trying to pass itself off as a vodka."
Final Verdict: We voted 9-2 to disqualify Cîroc from the proceedings.
Grade: None
Türi
$28.99 for 1 liter; 80 proof
Estonian; distilled from rye
According to bartenders I've talked to, Türi has built up a good reputation since it was first introduced in 2002. And yet, the panel was unanimous in its condemnation: The vodka's industrial-strength bouquet reminded one drinker of "burning tires." As for its taste, the panelists declared it "sticky-sweet," "thick," and "gluelike." "I wouldn't use it to fuel my lawn mower," one taster said, bringing the discussion to an end.
Final Verdict: The responses ranged from "a blighted presence" to "Next!"
Grade: One Shot Glass
Absolut
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Swedish; distilled from wheat
Absolut's advertising campaign is as ubiquitous as Coca-Cola's, and its packaging, which is based on an antique Swedish medicine bottle, is every bit as iconic. It's hardly surprising that 40 percent of the imported vodka bought by Americans is Absolut brand. Still, the recent explosion of premium vodkas—of the brands we tested, only Absolut, Stolichnaya, and Ketel One were around a decade ago—has resulted in something of a fragmented market and weakened Absolut's stranglehold. Will Absolut retain its grip on the public imagination and hold its own against relative newcomers like Grey Goose and Armadale? Or will it lose its top-shelf billing and move to the back of American liquor cabinets? The answer depends, to a large extent, on whether Absolut's popularity is a function of its advertising campaign or its qualities (or lack thereof) as a vodka. Unfortunately, Absolut suffered from comparison to the premium vodkas we sampled: Panel members noted its "piercing, antiseptic quality," "too-dry taste," "medium burn," and "unremarkable finish" and agreed that midshelf vodkas (again, we only tested premium brands) represented a much better value.
Final Verdict: "Absolut is fine for mixing, but if you're drinking shots, drink something else."
Grade: Two Shot Glasses
Belvedere
$32.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Polish; distilled from rye
Belvedere, which made its American debut in 1996, is imported by the same Minneapolis company that brings us Chopin (see below); the two vodkas also come in identical frosted bottles (which are quite lovely). But, according to our blind taste test, Belvedere "doesn't hold a candle" to its potato-based cousin. While a few tasters praised its "smooth creaminess" and detected "a pleasing vanilla taste," most noted that it had "less flavor" and "less burn" than other vodkas we tried and found the aftertaste to be "harsh," "bitter," and "hard to swallow."
Final Verdict: "The bottle is lovely, but the vodka itself leaves a lot to be desired."
Grade: Two Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Stolichnaya*
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat
Americans began drinking this "genuine Russian vodka" in 1972, when Pepsi brokered a multimillion dollar trade deal to import it from the USSR. Since then, Stoli's become a sentimental favorite; even today, it's one of the few Russian consumer products to make its way into American homes. The bottle is still a sterling example of Soviet kitsch. The taste is as biting and distinct as ever. Our panel split over its merits; some found Stoli to be "less blunt" than Absolut, praised its "interesting attack" and "potency," and noticed "hints of charcoal" in its flavor. (I found out later that Stoli is filtered through quartz, cloth, and Siberian birch charcoal.) Others noted a "foul, industrial aftertaste" and screwed up their faces.
Final Verdict: While agreeing that the Stoli bottle "is a classic," about half of the panel concluded that the vodka itself was "another midshelf spirit masquerading as a premium brand" and attributed its continued popularity to "snob appeal." Unable to reach an agreement, we decided that whether you liked Stoli was largely a dela vkusa—which is to say, in Russian, a matter of taste.
Grade: Three Shot Glasses
*Note: In Russia, Stoli's full name is pronounced Stolichnaya, not Stolichnaya.
Grey Goose
$29.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
French; distilled from wheat, rye, and barley
Made in Cognac but owned by the American Bacardi Corp., Grey Goose was introduced in the United States in 1997 and has since won a great many industry awards. We were underwhelmed: Grey Goose is sweet and smoky, with hints of anise and citrus in the finish, but it all adds up to only a sort of smooth, uninteresting neutrality. And so, while the more generous half of our panel praised Grey Goose's "long, silky aftertaste" and "pleasing burn," detractors found it "bland," "spineless," and "vaguely medicinal." In the end, seven tasters agreed that the vodka's softness and subtlety made it a solid, if unremarkable, choice. Four found it to be too unremarkable and lacking the bite or character they expected from a self-described "ultra-premium" spirit.
Final Verdict: "Leaves a bit too much to the imagination."
Grade: Three Shot Glasses
Ketel One
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Holland; distilled from wheat
Ketel One has been available in America since 1990. But in Holland the brand's been a family concern for 300 years, and the family in question—the Nolets—prides itself on its pedigree. "Ketel" refers to the small, copper-pot stills this vodka is distilled in. (There's an illustration of one on the bottle itself.) The first and last thirds of each batch are automatically discarded as likely to be harsh and weak. The panel found the results of this "center-batch method" to be "creamy," "exceptionally smooth," and "a little sweet," with hints of vanilla and orange. But two tasters felt that Ketel One's lingering aftertaste tended to obscure its initially pleasant flavor, and three more eventually came around to their point of view.
Final Verdict: "The vodka Absolut wishes it was."
Grade: Three Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Zyr
$32 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat and rye
Zyr, which was introduced in October 2002, is the youngest vodka we tasted but one of the best. Manufactured near Moscow by a young American entrepreneur named David Katz, Zyr is dry and zesty, with a distinct floral bouquet, a full-bodied burn, and a surprisingly light, sweet aftertaste. Eight panelists found it to be a "firm," "assertive" vodka, well-suited "to serious drinking." Two found the burn to be a bit overwhelming and preferred some of the lighter brands we tried, such as Armadale or Chopin. One spilled his shot three times before tasting it and so abstained from the judging.
Final Verdict: "We like this young upstart—there's hope for Russian vodka, yet!"
Grade: Three Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Lightning Round Results:
Jewel of Russia Classic
$34.99 for 1 liter; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat and rye
Though none of us had heard of this vodka before the tasting, Jewel of Russia was far and away the best of the Russian bunch. Introduced in 2001, it comes in a stately, square-shaped bottle with red wax seals—the whole package looks heavy and handsome, and what's inside doesn't disappoint. The panel praised Jewel of Russia's "waspy, authoritative taste," recognized it immediately as "a high-end version of Russian vodka," and found it to be "cleaner and smoother than Stoli." "It's smooth and delicious, and it tastes expensive," one taster said. "It's cloying," another countered, "it wants to be liked." We decided to drink one last, tiebreaking shot.
Final Verdict: Following the tiebreaker, the yeas carried the day, and the nays skulked off to smoke cigarettes.
Grade: Four Shot Glasses
Armadale
$33.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Scottish; distilled from wheat and barley
Not long after its 2002 introduction, this unlikely contender—a Scottish vodka—started receiving shout-outs in Jay-Z's lyrics. Shortly thereafter, Jay-Z and his Roc-a-Fella partners, Damon Dash and Kareem "Biggs" Burke, bought the rights to the brand itself. They picked wisely: Our panel found Armadale to be "a low-talking, come-hither vodka" with "a sexy, implied bite and just enough smoke to win you over." One taster dissented, calling the vodka "a little too polished for its own good, almost corporate-tasting," and thereby denied Armadale the top standing. Still, it finished a close second and comes highly recommended.
Final Verdict: "The Smart Water of vodkas—fantastic!"
Grade: Four Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Chopin
$29.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Polish; distilled from potatoes
Potato vodkas have never been as well-received as their grain-based competitors, but Chopin—which appeared on the American market in 1997—should go a long way toward changing their lowbrow reputation. It's the smoothest vodka we tried, with a slight oiliness (specific to potato vodkas) that cut beautifully against the briny funk of black caviar and held its own against the thickest black bread I'd been able to find. We found Chopin itself to be "slightly sweet" and "well-rounded" with "perhaps a hint of apple." Chopin also had a "medium-length, pleasing burn," but "very little aftertaste—it's remarkably clean." To top it off, Chopin's tall frosted bottle was the prettiest we'd seen.
Final Verdict: Following a second round of shots, the panel unanimously called Chopin "far and away the best vodka we tried."
Grade: Five Shot Glasses
Which vodka is the best? According to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives—which sets the rules for spirits sold in the United States—vodka is defined as a neutral spirit "without distinctive character, aroma, taste or color." In theory, then, one brand of vodka should taste like every other, and the phrase "premium vodka" would be something of an oxymoron. In fact, vodka's neutral taste does account for much of its appeal: It mixes equally well with tonic water and tomato juice, and it can be as crisp and corporate as James Bond's vodka martinis or as trashy as the "swamp waters" my local bartender mixes (made of vodka and Mountain Dew). Vodka suits any occasion, goes with any food, and (if you believe certain advertisements) gives you less of a hangover than any other liquor. It's no wonder that in America, vodka outsells gin, rum, and tequila, as well as scotch, bourbon, and Canadian whiskey.
But if all vodkas tasted alike, there'd be no reason to favor a $30 bottle of Armadale over a $12 magnum of Fleischmann's. In fact, all vodkas are not alike. Vodka can be distilled in a good many ways, from a great many substances, including wheat, rye, beets, corn, potatoes, and sugar cane. (In Russia, the Yukos oil conglomerate recently made headlines for marketing a vodka distilled from hemp seeds.) As a result, each brand has a distinct smell, flavor, aftertaste, and burn (i.e., the burning sensation vodka creates as it goes down your gullet). The grain-based vodkas, which are the most popular, tend to be smooth and can even taste fruity. Vegetable-based vodkas are often (and often unfairly) dismissed as being harsh and medicinal.
So, your basic bottle of Smirnoff is fine for mixed drinks, but you wouldn't want to drink shots of it. Conversely, top-shelf brands such as Armadale and Jewel of Russia are too good—and too expensive—to mix with anything but ice and/or tonic water and are best drunk straight and straight from the freezer. Because most people mix their vodka with tonic, soda, vermouth, or juice, few drinkers I polled could tell me why exactly they preferred Grey Goose over Chopin or Stoli over Absolut. Does it really matter which brand you buy? I recently invited 11 friends over to find out.
Procedure
In Eastern Europe, people tend to drink vodka straight, draining each ice-cold shot glass in a single gulp. Each shot is immediately followed by a zakuska—the Russian word for bite-sized snacks that are said to bring out the flavor of the vodka you've just sampled (and buffer your stomach for the next shot). To transplant this method to my Astoria apartment, I drove out to the Russian enclave in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, and loaded up on pickles, blintzes, smoked fish, black bread, caviar, and other drinker's delicacies.
As for the 11 vodkas I bought, I limited myself to easily obtainable premium brands and avoided the obscure boutique labels most suburban liquor stores wouldn't carry. A few vodkas were recommended by friends in the know, others by bartenders who should have known better. Because the best American brands—like Tito's—can be impossible to find, the test was limited to imported vodkas. Because the most expensive vodka we sampled cost less than $35, price wasn't one of our considerations. And to keep the playing field level, no flavored vodkas were sampled.
I served each vodka chilled, in a small frosted shot glass. (Given that each taster had to try each of the 11 vodkas, I tended to pour half-shots.) The labels were covered until everyone on the panel had had a chance to comment on the smell, flavor, burn, and aftertaste of the brand they'd just tried. I recorded their comments, tallied up the votes, and then revealed the final verdict. We rated each vodka on a scale of one to five shot glasses. At the end of the judging, we put the most popular brands through an intense lightning round. Two days later, I'd gotten over a very substantial hangover and set about compiling the results.
First-Round Results: From Worst to Best
Cîroc
$27.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
French; distilled from grapes
The hoity-toity accent circumflex reveals Cîroc's nationality, and a smartly tapered purplish bottle hints at the spirit's source—grapes grown in the Gaillac and Cognac regions of southwest France. Grape-based vodkas are something of a novelty, and Cîroc, which was introduced in 2002, has positioned itself as a clear alternative to its wheat-based competitors, running clever advertisements that urged drinkers to "go against the grain." But is Cîroc's taste distinctive enough to win us over? As it happens, the panel did pick up on this vodka's "viney, stemmy aftertaste," as well as "hints of orange and anise." And most of us agreed that the shots "went down smoothly" with "very little burn" and "a clean, crisp finish." In the end, though, we concluded that Cîroc was too distinct for its own good—that it was "a grappa, or eau de vie, trying to pass itself off as a vodka."
Final Verdict: We voted 9-2 to disqualify Cîroc from the proceedings.
Grade: None
Türi
$28.99 for 1 liter; 80 proof
Estonian; distilled from rye
According to bartenders I've talked to, Türi has built up a good reputation since it was first introduced in 2002. And yet, the panel was unanimous in its condemnation: The vodka's industrial-strength bouquet reminded one drinker of "burning tires." As for its taste, the panelists declared it "sticky-sweet," "thick," and "gluelike." "I wouldn't use it to fuel my lawn mower," one taster said, bringing the discussion to an end.
Final Verdict: The responses ranged from "a blighted presence" to "Next!"
Grade: One Shot Glass
Absolut
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Swedish; distilled from wheat
Absolut's advertising campaign is as ubiquitous as Coca-Cola's, and its packaging, which is based on an antique Swedish medicine bottle, is every bit as iconic. It's hardly surprising that 40 percent of the imported vodka bought by Americans is Absolut brand. Still, the recent explosion of premium vodkas—of the brands we tested, only Absolut, Stolichnaya, and Ketel One were around a decade ago—has resulted in something of a fragmented market and weakened Absolut's stranglehold. Will Absolut retain its grip on the public imagination and hold its own against relative newcomers like Grey Goose and Armadale? Or will it lose its top-shelf billing and move to the back of American liquor cabinets? The answer depends, to a large extent, on whether Absolut's popularity is a function of its advertising campaign or its qualities (or lack thereof) as a vodka. Unfortunately, Absolut suffered from comparison to the premium vodkas we sampled: Panel members noted its "piercing, antiseptic quality," "too-dry taste," "medium burn," and "unremarkable finish" and agreed that midshelf vodkas (again, we only tested premium brands) represented a much better value.
Final Verdict: "Absolut is fine for mixing, but if you're drinking shots, drink something else."
Grade: Two Shot Glasses
Belvedere
$32.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Polish; distilled from rye
Belvedere, which made its American debut in 1996, is imported by the same Minneapolis company that brings us Chopin (see below); the two vodkas also come in identical frosted bottles (which are quite lovely). But, according to our blind taste test, Belvedere "doesn't hold a candle" to its potato-based cousin. While a few tasters praised its "smooth creaminess" and detected "a pleasing vanilla taste," most noted that it had "less flavor" and "less burn" than other vodkas we tried and found the aftertaste to be "harsh," "bitter," and "hard to swallow."
Final Verdict: "The bottle is lovely, but the vodka itself leaves a lot to be desired."
Grade: Two Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Stolichnaya*
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat
Americans began drinking this "genuine Russian vodka" in 1972, when Pepsi brokered a multimillion dollar trade deal to import it from the USSR. Since then, Stoli's become a sentimental favorite; even today, it's one of the few Russian consumer products to make its way into American homes. The bottle is still a sterling example of Soviet kitsch. The taste is as biting and distinct as ever. Our panel split over its merits; some found Stoli to be "less blunt" than Absolut, praised its "interesting attack" and "potency," and noticed "hints of charcoal" in its flavor. (I found out later that Stoli is filtered through quartz, cloth, and Siberian birch charcoal.) Others noted a "foul, industrial aftertaste" and screwed up their faces.
Final Verdict: While agreeing that the Stoli bottle "is a classic," about half of the panel concluded that the vodka itself was "another midshelf spirit masquerading as a premium brand" and attributed its continued popularity to "snob appeal." Unable to reach an agreement, we decided that whether you liked Stoli was largely a dela vkusa—which is to say, in Russian, a matter of taste.
Grade: Three Shot Glasses
*Note: In Russia, Stoli's full name is pronounced Stolichnaya, not Stolichnaya.
Grey Goose
$29.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
French; distilled from wheat, rye, and barley
Made in Cognac but owned by the American Bacardi Corp., Grey Goose was introduced in the United States in 1997 and has since won a great many industry awards. We were underwhelmed: Grey Goose is sweet and smoky, with hints of anise and citrus in the finish, but it all adds up to only a sort of smooth, uninteresting neutrality. And so, while the more generous half of our panel praised Grey Goose's "long, silky aftertaste" and "pleasing burn," detractors found it "bland," "spineless," and "vaguely medicinal." In the end, seven tasters agreed that the vodka's softness and subtlety made it a solid, if unremarkable, choice. Four found it to be too unremarkable and lacking the bite or character they expected from a self-described "ultra-premium" spirit.
Final Verdict: "Leaves a bit too much to the imagination."
Grade: Three Shot Glasses
Ketel One
$22.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Holland; distilled from wheat
Ketel One has been available in America since 1990. But in Holland the brand's been a family concern for 300 years, and the family in question—the Nolets—prides itself on its pedigree. "Ketel" refers to the small, copper-pot stills this vodka is distilled in. (There's an illustration of one on the bottle itself.) The first and last thirds of each batch are automatically discarded as likely to be harsh and weak. The panel found the results of this "center-batch method" to be "creamy," "exceptionally smooth," and "a little sweet," with hints of vanilla and orange. But two tasters felt that Ketel One's lingering aftertaste tended to obscure its initially pleasant flavor, and three more eventually came around to their point of view.
Final Verdict: "The vodka Absolut wishes it was."
Grade: Three Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Zyr
$32 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat and rye
Zyr, which was introduced in October 2002, is the youngest vodka we tasted but one of the best. Manufactured near Moscow by a young American entrepreneur named David Katz, Zyr is dry and zesty, with a distinct floral bouquet, a full-bodied burn, and a surprisingly light, sweet aftertaste. Eight panelists found it to be a "firm," "assertive" vodka, well-suited "to serious drinking." Two found the burn to be a bit overwhelming and preferred some of the lighter brands we tried, such as Armadale or Chopin. One spilled his shot three times before tasting it and so abstained from the judging.
Final Verdict: "We like this young upstart—there's hope for Russian vodka, yet!"
Grade: Three Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Lightning Round Results:
Jewel of Russia Classic
$34.99 for 1 liter; 80 proof
Russian; distilled from wheat and rye
Though none of us had heard of this vodka before the tasting, Jewel of Russia was far and away the best of the Russian bunch. Introduced in 2001, it comes in a stately, square-shaped bottle with red wax seals—the whole package looks heavy and handsome, and what's inside doesn't disappoint. The panel praised Jewel of Russia's "waspy, authoritative taste," recognized it immediately as "a high-end version of Russian vodka," and found it to be "cleaner and smoother than Stoli." "It's smooth and delicious, and it tastes expensive," one taster said. "It's cloying," another countered, "it wants to be liked." We decided to drink one last, tiebreaking shot.
Final Verdict: Following the tiebreaker, the yeas carried the day, and the nays skulked off to smoke cigarettes.
Grade: Four Shot Glasses
Armadale
$33.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Scottish; distilled from wheat and barley
Not long after its 2002 introduction, this unlikely contender—a Scottish vodka—started receiving shout-outs in Jay-Z's lyrics. Shortly thereafter, Jay-Z and his Roc-a-Fella partners, Damon Dash and Kareem "Biggs" Burke, bought the rights to the brand itself. They picked wisely: Our panel found Armadale to be "a low-talking, come-hither vodka" with "a sexy, implied bite and just enough smoke to win you over." One taster dissented, calling the vodka "a little too polished for its own good, almost corporate-tasting," and thereby denied Armadale the top standing. Still, it finished a close second and comes highly recommended.
Final Verdict: "The Smart Water of vodkas—fantastic!"
Grade: Four Shot Glasses and a Chaser
Chopin
$29.99 for 750 milliliters; 80 proof
Polish; distilled from potatoes
Potato vodkas have never been as well-received as their grain-based competitors, but Chopin—which appeared on the American market in 1997—should go a long way toward changing their lowbrow reputation. It's the smoothest vodka we tried, with a slight oiliness (specific to potato vodkas) that cut beautifully against the briny funk of black caviar and held its own against the thickest black bread I'd been able to find. We found Chopin itself to be "slightly sweet" and "well-rounded" with "perhaps a hint of apple." Chopin also had a "medium-length, pleasing burn," but "very little aftertaste—it's remarkably clean." To top it off, Chopin's tall frosted bottle was the prettiest we'd seen.
Final Verdict: Following a second round of shots, the panel unanimously called Chopin "far and away the best vodka we tried."
Grade: Five Shot Glasses
March 23, 2007
Simlish
I got big time addicted to "The Sims" when it first came out a few years ago. It got so bad that my roommate and I would actually start talking in Simlish, the gibberish language spoken by the Sims who live in the dull world where they constantly have to pee for 20 mintues and place their dirty dishes on the floor if there is a chair or a flower pot blocking their route to the sink.
Anyway, thought this was kind of cool. Lily Allen has re-recorded her hit "Smile" entirely in Simlish. I love embedding YouTube videos on my blog...
Sul sul!
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
Anyway, thought this was kind of cool. Lily Allen has re-recorded her hit "Smile" entirely in Simlish. I love embedding YouTube videos on my blog...
Sul sul!
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
March 21, 2007
Who's on First?
No matter how many hundreds of times I've seen this throughout my life, I laugh every single time. COMEDY DOES NOT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS. This is the greatest of all time (followed closely by Airplane! and A Fish Called Wanda)...
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
March 18, 2007
Creating IBCMs Using iTunes
I just installed the new iTunes 7.1.1.5. And in case you're thinking about destroying the world with WMD, don't even THINK about using iTunes to do it. As I read some of the licence agreements, I came upon this:
So if you're thinking about destroying Dallas with your iPod or iTunes, THINK AGAIN MISTER! Steve Jobs has made it perfectly clear that this is illegal to do with his products. Now myself, I'm using my copy of Adobe Reader to manufacture Serin nerve gas. As far as I know, Adobe doesn't care if you use their software to manufacture WMD. Good luck!
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
"10. Export Control. You may not..[blah blah blah]... You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons."
So if you're thinking about destroying Dallas with your iPod or iTunes, THINK AGAIN MISTER! Steve Jobs has made it perfectly clear that this is illegal to do with his products. Now myself, I'm using my copy of Adobe Reader to manufacture Serin nerve gas. As far as I know, Adobe doesn't care if you use their software to manufacture WMD. Good luck!
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
March 14, 2007
Haven't Posted in a While
It was either lightsabers or the ridiculous circus ban (yes, the liberals want to ban something else). I don't have time for a rant today, so instead watch likely the best lightsaber duel of all time. Ryan vs Dorkman (the sequel):
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
~Drewbacca
MoviePatron.com
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