I Didn't Forget

     An article at Yahoo! news was sent to me by a friend today and proves I'm still in the sane majority.

-- Eighty-one percent of those surveyed said they see the attacks as the most significant historical event of their lifetimes

-- 61 percent of respondents saying they think of the events at least once a week

-- 91 percent said they believe the United States will be attacked again on US soil

-- Sixteen percent said they had personally visited the site of the World Trade Center in New York City to pay tribute

I won't forget next year either. Or the year after that or the year after that or...


 

Life is Constantly Getting More Exciting

     Check out my new pasta jars:

click for hi-res



 

I Yam What I Yam

     I just finished my okcupid.com match test. Here's what it says I am:

The Boy Next Door:
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

     I've always though chicks pass me up for the asshole. Too bad they don't know what they're missing.


 

Pet Peave of the Day Vol. IX

     Cops or State Patrol cars parked on the side of the interstate that do nothing but back up traffic for miles.

 

Halo 3: Zanzibar (beta) Leak

     For the most part, I'm pretty much over video games, but Halo is still a game that gets me excited. Here's a new BETA testing video of level Zanzibar. The same, only... not.




 

Will it Blend?

     I was going to write about my labor day weekend tractor driving experience, but I'm at work and don't have time to elaborate and resize pictures, etc. So I'll save that for another day (soon).

     Instead, here's a series of videos on YouTube, begging the question, "Will it blend?" An official looking, laboratory guy puts different things (iPods, rakes, hockey pucks, BIC lighters, happy meals, etc) into a blender to see what happens. The happy, serene, almost psychotic look on his face during blending might be the best parts of these clips.

     An example is below, but you can see the entire library of "Will it Blend" videos over at this special YouTube link.

My personal favorite: Transformers



 

Tuesday's Realization

     Since all three pairs of shoes I bought last week seem to be looser on the right foot, I decided today that my left foot is a half size larger than my right.
 

Stop Ashley, Stop!

     

Open Letter to MNDOT

     Good morning! I was just curious which one of you genius' came up with the great idea to close 35W southbound to just one lane just as the Vikings game was letting out. Way to plan ahead. This must be the same group of crack scientists that decided to spend $478 million in federal transportation earmarks on mass transit and bike trails and not deficient bridges... oops.

UPDATE:

Here was the actual email I sent to MN DOT, word for word:

SUBJECT: Anyone Home?
"Just curious whose bright idea it was to wait until just after the Vikings game ended to close 35W southbound down to one lane? An entire metrodome full of people trying to get home at 11:30 at night and you close two lanes on the largest freeway in MN? I thought that was prety poor planning."

HERE WAS THE RESPONSE I JUST RECEIVED:

"Yeah, we are home. How about you? We generally do not plan lane closures to conicide with major events...and we didn't last night either. Apparently the Viking's fans who travel south of the Metrodome aren't very good drivers. The lane closures were for stalls and accidents. Next time try to send a civil e-mail.

-Kent Bernard"

     This is complete BULLSHIT! Was there maybe stall or an accident? Possibly, but I didn't see it; and even if I had, that DOES NOT warrant closing two of three lanes of a major thoroughfare for at least 6 miles. And if it was a simple stall out or accident, why were there several large "construction" trucks with flashing yellow lights and city workers all over the place? I actually passed by the truck driver moving cones from one lane to the other. Funny, I didn't see one police officer near these so called accidents. I'll respond with this and see what they say.

MY NEXT RESPONSE:

"I don't think my email was uncivil. A little snarky, yes, but not uncivil.

But still, even if what you say is the case, MNDOT now calls upon several large construction vehicles moving cones to close off two lanes of traffic for miles because a couple of cars stalled out? When did this procedure start happening? I actually watched the guys in a giant truck swerving from lane to lane, to move the cones from two lanes down to one; meanwhile, traffic is at a virtual standstill for miles. It just seems to me that they could've waited 30 minutes until most of the congestion had cleared before making a nightmare for travelers (espeically those of us not at the game), when they know a Vikings game is just letting out.

Sincerely,
Andrew"

Let's see what Kent says. Stay tuned...

AND MNDOT BACKS OFF...

"I am going to do a little more checking because everyone I spoke to said there was not construction activity last night on southbound I-35W south of downtown Minneapolis. Although I wouldn't put it past the contractor to do something without checking. Most highway construction projects in Minnesota are done by contractors with Mn/DOT oversight...and they occassionally do things that we do not know about or wouldn't approve of. If they did, I agree that it was poor planning, but it was not Mn/DOT."

MY RESPONSE:

"Thanks for the response and have a great labor day weekend!"

THE END

Pet Peave of the Day Vol. VIII

     Profiles set to private on myspace.
   

Passport Troubles

     Well, I applied for a passport today to allow me to travel to the big state to the north: Canada; Toronto specifically. I was worried that I'd have to pay double to get expedited service and make sure I had my passport in time to fly to Toronto in October. That is, until Norm Coleman sent me this letter yesterday; completely out of the blue:

"Some of you are probably familiar with the new passport requirements for air travel to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean under the Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative (WHTI). This requirement...led to a record backlog in the passport processing; ruining travel plans for some and threatening the plans of thousands. This is simply unacceptable to me, and I have fought to address the current problems, assisting over 2500 Minnesotans who were in jeopardy of losing thousands of dollars and precious family time.

The government... has temporarily suspended the passport requirements for air travel, allowing folks who have applied but not yet received their passport to travel using a photo ID and their passport receipt."

     So according to this I could get on the plane today and not worry about getting back home. On top of this, despite the rumors I've heard to the contrary, the guy at the passport office is confident I'll have the passport in time anyway. We shall see, we shall see.

This Year's Super Bowl Halftime Show

 

Ron's Slip n' Slide Extravaganzza

     This made me smile:






 

Escape Artist

 

Can Openers

     Been meaning to tell you guys this for a while. If your mom (or anyone else) tells you to buy a swing-a-way brand can opener. Listen to them! You may think kitchen-aid is the brand to beat, but it's not. Swing-a-way is the brand you want. TRUST ME.

Got My Crowes Tix

     Special thanks to Wagner Foods in New Richland for hooking me up with Black Crowes tickets. State Theater. Loge seats. What are lodge seats you ask? Does this ring any bells?

Another Note to Self

     You're too old and out of shape to water ski. Don't do that again.

Thanks Guys

     Just wanted to say thanks to all you out-of-towners (and out-of-country-ers) who took the time to email or voice chat with me last night to make sure me and mine were OK; what with the crisis in Minneapolis last night. That was really cool and I appreciate you thinking about me. Some of you I've never even met in person! Crazy. Thanks again for your thoughts and checking in on me. I appreciate it.

     But as far as I know. All my friends and family are safe. Thanks again; it's very heart warming.

Cheers.

Go Celtics!

     For obvious reasons.






Might as well just give them ring right now.

Red Band Trailers

     I don't know if you know what red band trailers are or not, but basically they are this: you know how every trailer you see in most films starts with the big green signage that states "the following preview has been approved for all audiences...."? Well, a red band trailer is the same thing, only the big green sign is in red and it states that the following trailer is rated R. There're also yellow band trailers, but let's not confuse things.




Bear with me; I'm coming to a point here...

     Anyway, one of my more anticipated films of the second half of 2007 is called "Shoot em Up." It's an over the top action movie (in the vein of Crank, which was very fun indeed) and stars my favorite current actor, Paul Giamatti, in the lead antagonist role. Also involved is the always fantastic Clive Owen and the stunningly gorgeous Monica Belucci.

I'm getting somewhere here. Believe me, you'll like this.

     So anyway, these red band trailers are all over the net, but the key is, because the MPAA is a bunch of panty wastes, you can't see these trailers (legally) unless you A) live in the U.S. and B) are over 17 years of age. To verify this info, the trailer pages (again, the legal ones) ask you to put in your name, birthdate and zip code exactly as it appears on your drivers license. If you live outside of the country or don't want to give some random site all your info, here is the way around this:

Name: George Bush
DOB: 07/06/46
Zip: 20500

or if you hate W so much you can't even type his name, this is even more fun:

Name: Daniel Glickman
DOB: 11/24/44
Zip: 20016

If you don't know, Glickman is the chairman of the MPAA.

Thanks to "/film" for all the helpful advice:
     "The information above was gathered using simple wikipedia and google maps search. Yes, 20500 is the zip code for the White House. And we found only one Glickman registered near the MPAA’s Washington DC office - an R Glickman. Wikipedia lists Daniel’s middle name as Robert (or is it his real first name?). We decided to give it a try, and guess what - it worked. Yes, that’s right - the tool that is supposed to detour kids from hearing naughty words in movie advertising can now be used by hackers and web creeps around the world to reverse engineer private address information (luckily Glickman is a public figure and doesn’t qualify). Good job MPAA! Keep up the great work!"

     So now, with all this info in mind, check out this ass-kicking, Motley Crue rocking, Paul Giamatti starring, off the hook action flick's Red Band trailer. And to make it more fun, I hope you are only 13 years old...

     Just click on this link and then when the page loads, click on the little red link near the bottom of the page marked "view age restricted content" - http://www.shootemupmovie.com/